Tuesday 20 March 2018

My dear Kumar


Today, the 20th March he would have turned 62. But he didn't wait. Why he had to hurry, I don't know, but hurry he did. Just a phone call during a power cut time made him fall down near the stairs, followed by a quick succession of events that culminated in his unexpected demise. Leaving his  loving wife and innocent, if grown up children shocked beyond belief. 

For me it is loss of my dear brother, whom I have known for the past 62 years. With whom I grew up, went to school, watched movies. With whom I have had fights for reasons that look silly and make me laugh at myself now. Like who has the right to first read the new weekly magazine bought at home. Like whose turn it was to help mother in running small errands. With whom I have gone to relative's places to spend school vacations and continue the fights there. That was when we were in primary school days.

Then the fights gave way to better understanding and turned into beautiful friendship when we became teenagers. It was from him that I learnt some joys considered  exclusive to male domain in those days. Like learning to play chess, trying to follow cricket commentaries in the radio in those non_tv days, watching one or two english movies etc. Sharing our common interest in Numbers and trying to solve logical puzzles. Sharing our love for old tamil movie songs and arguing about our difference of taste in that. Arguing whether MGR or Sivaji was great and never coming to an agreement  as the former was his favourite and the latter mine. The list of such sweet memories is long.

Later when we started  our career lives and eventually got married we got busy with our new families, building up its finances and bringing up kids. In those days with no network or even phones, regular contacts shrunk to postal letters only, for which we were left with little time after attending to career and family demands. So the communications were less in those  days. 

But again after some time, we had phones and then came social networks like fb and whatsapp. So we could pick up the threads where we had left them and continue our chatting in these media. Yes, arguments had given way to chats due to our age and maturity. For weeks, sometimes even months, we would not have talked except through the social media, but still once either of us ring up, we could continue where we had  left. That was the bond.

But that came to a shocking halt when I last rang up his number, only to be informed by his wife that he was admitted to a hospital for a surgery following his fall. And he never recovered.I could visit him in the days he was in the hospital, but the end was sudden and shocking. I could visit him in the days he was in the hospital, but the end was sudden and shocking. I know his wife and children would suffer more. In addition to the loss of their beloved father/husband they sure have to face immediate tasks and financial drawbacks. 

But that doesn't lessen my grief. I feel as if I have lost a part of me, though I keep reminding me that I have to get over that feeling and carry forward only sweet memories. Though I find it very difficult, I am trying. Yesterday I visited our ancestral village, Pathamadai that has a place in his name. Today on his birthday friends are remembering him. He was more familiar and at ease with his friends than with relatives circle. Some time back  took pains to organise a reunion of school batch mates and college batch mates separately for which all the friends are very happy even now. They shall remember him always. Happy birthday Kumar.




Thursday 8 March 2018

In praise of unsung heroines



I wish to dedicate this piece to a kind and courageous woman called Lalitha. When she was left with four young children and a handicapped husband she was young and  inexperienced with little educational or financial background. And this was more than fifty years ago when women leaving for work to another town was not kindly looked upon. But left with no other go she took up the challenge and joined as a hostel warden in a school run by a charitable trust for children who are orphans or from  backward and downtrodden families. She cared for the children like her own. She gave them healthy food. Made sure that they studied well. Instilled discipline in them. Taught them cooking, cleanliness and other practical livelihood skills in their free time.  This they might not have got even in their homes given their family background. In short she helped them grow up into responsible citizens. Not one or two children, but hundreds of them, maybe thousands, batch after batch.  Many of them have come up well in life and fondly remember Lalitha akka's (as the children call her with affection) contribution in moulding them. At the same time she took care of her  husband and gave decent education to her children. She has made it a point to attend functions in relatives' families along with her children even after her husband's death. Now they are well settled in life, bringing up their own children nicely. Now she has no financial commitments. Her children are only too pleased to have her with them. She can lead a comfortable life with anyone of them. But she can not leave the organisation that supported her  when she badly needed support. The hostel now needs her dedicated service very much and is unable to find a substitute. So she prefers to be with the poor children and do whatever she can for their good even in her 70s. She visits her children and spends time with grandchildren during school vacations, sharing her time between her family and the larger family of poor children. Such women are real heroines and make the World a better place to be in. Let us give them a big salute on this International Womens Day. Hats off to Lalitha akka.

Thursday 1 March 2018

Pathemari



Happened to watch the malayalam movie Pathemari with Mammooty as the protaganist. I was very much impressed by the movie. The story spans around 25 to 30 years, starting with the hero leaving for gulf in an unauthorised country boat in search of greener pastures. He lands in some menial job and manages to send money home regularly. In course of time he is able to clear the family debts, marry off sisters, help brothers' family do better, in the meantime he too marrying a girl and raising a family. During each of his visits to his home he declares that he will be back home for good the next time, which never arrives as the responsibilities keep mounting. 


His family look forward to his visits more for the presents he brings than for his presence, but he does not mind. Or does not show if it hurts. He even manages to fund the foreign visit of a neighbour who settles well in his own business in the gulf and is grateful to him. The improvement of financial status of all in the family is shown subtly as they find lesser and lesser time for his phone calls. As he toils he ages too. He even gifts a house he has bought for his family to a relative's daughter for her wedding. He is compelled to pay rent for that house till such time he builds his own. He then makes money for a house for his family. By the time it is completed his children grow up. He is interviewed for a TV program on NRIs who haven't made it big. 

He suddenly dies in sleep and his body is brought to his village. Ironically enough the relative refuses to allow his body to be kept in the house he got gifted as he intends to sell it and keeping the body there would reduce its market price. People are skeptic about keeping the body in his new house as it would be a bad omen to keep it in the new house. Hence it is decided 
to take it to the funeral ground direct and the last rites are done.

After the funeral the family relaxes before the TV. The interview he has given is telecast. He is asked was he happy about his nondescript nri life, after all he has not made it big and was hardly able to make both ends meet. Given a chance would he like to lead a different life? He does not show if it hurts. Utters calmly when I left for gulf my mother was ashamed of facing debtors and siblings were struggling to get a square meal a day. I could satiate their hunger and give them a decent life. I could give something for my siblings education and make them settle well in life. My wife and children have a carefree life. If I get another chance I would like to do the very same things to my mother, my siblings and my wife and children. Yes, I would like to be born again as the very same Narayanan as a son to my mother, brother to my siblings, husband to my wife and father to my children and nothing else. If you call it I have not made it big I don't mind. I am happy the way I am. 

The interview is over. Tears start running down everyone watching the TV, touching the hearts of those watching the movie.  Mammootty has done the role with ease and without showing off. But he makes the character a real hero of a man living next door.